How do I choose?????????

Gonna try 2 make this as simple & eazy az I can. My bf of 3 yrs cheated on me repeatedly, I found out, broke up w/ him & got back 2gether 2 try 2 make it work. Filled w/ anger, hurt, & betrayal I sought secret revenge & had an affair. Yes I know, 2 wrongs dont make a right. Its been over a yr & I still cant let go of what he did 2 us. We had sumthin really good & he threw it away 4 a girl a decade younger. He was 27 at the time. Its f*cked w/ my head on levels beyond my control & made me bitter, insecure, & severely jealous. My affair lasted 4 quite sum time & I fell in love w/ my lover. Truth is, I love them both. Part of me wants 2 stay w/ my bf & keep trying, I love him & we share alot, he understands me more than anyone but we have LOTS of probs stemming from the past. My lover iz crazy about me, wants to be w/ me & my kids, mend my broken heart & end my tears. He even backed away so I could be w/ my bf & be "happy". He even told my bf he loved me & asked him not to hurt me again.